The Sweet Life

I'm sitting here in a totally quiet house. This has, like, never happened in the past ten years. Someone pinch me.

Paul and the boys have gone camping with the Boy Scouts somewhere in the wilds of south Louisiana. Sissy has gone into an M&M induced coma. Heidi, the world's laziest canine companion, has stretched her enormous basset hound body the length of the sofa and is snoring. Loudly.

I miss my posse. I miss trying to find a sliver of bedspace after half the family has invaded the bed. I miss Paul coming out to say "You ok, honey?" if he wakes up and I'm not holding onto my edge of the mattress for dear life sleeping over on my side of the bed. (Though I suspect a few times he has mistaken me for Heidi. I won't take it personally.)

Life is hard. With bills piling up and a poor economy, illnesses from kids and dogs that cost a small fortune, car problems that eat up hundreds of dollars at a time, and extended family that requires more emotional and financial energy than I can sometimes muster, it is just flat out hard.

But.

I was reminded tonight of the true value of good friends. Of selflessness. Of giving spirits. Of true agape love. I was actually reminded of the first church in Acts when a friend reminded me "We weren't meant to go this road alone."

I am blessed beyond measure to have a husband that loves me more than I deserve. I have three children that are the absolute joy of my heart. I have friends that love me just because. Most of all, I am loved and cherished by God, who created me, who knows me {You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.}, and just like Hagar said in Genesis 16:13, a God who sees me.

Life is sweet. Like buttercream icing on a piece of birthday cake. Like a really good coffee with fresh vanilla and heavy cream. Like a caramel Milky Way (I mean, seriously, have you had one of those?) Like a salted caramel yogurt from Pinkberry. (I'm fairly certain there is a Pinkberry in Heaven's Food Court.)

So even though I can barely keep my eyes open, I'm going to just sit here for a while longer, savoring the sweetness of my life, and thanking God for looking down on me with absolute favor and grace. I am so undeserving, and yet....

Yet here I am.

Homeschooling....Part Deaux

It looks like the Souths have painlessly slid right back into the groove of homeschooling. The boys haven't missed a beat, remembering (and seeming to enjoy) the learning at home schedule (or lack of it) and way of life (read: living in our pj's and taking multiple learning breaks to play in the pool, read, watch a tv show, or play a game).

Together we are strolling through Ancient History with Story of the World and the kids are excited for our Apologia Zoology study to arrive so they can start their study of land animals. We are also doing Bible study together, as we continue to work on a self control unit. We are also concentrating on one character trait per month (this month: self control), memorizing one scripture per week and one hymn per month (this month: He Leadeth Me).

Sissy has already mastered all the short vowels and consonants and is starting to read short vowel words. She has breezed through a math workbook (I cannot stop her -- she wants to do 10-15 pgs a day) and we are waiting on the next installment of Singapore math to make its way here. She is learning to write with Handwriting without tears - the same program Griffin used. She actively participates in Bible and history, and I have a feeling she will be upset when she realizes I didn't buy her a zoology journal to keep along with the boys. Sis has requested to take gymnastics. She is a muscular little thing, so I think she'll do well. We'll keep you posted!

Tucker is flying through math (of course) so I added in a Life of Fred book for extra practice. We are doing Writing With Ease and First Language Lessons level 4 to get him back on track after a wasted year in public school. He is also doing Rod & Staff Spelling (we used to use Spelling Power but after reading multiple reviews over at The Well Trained Mind, I decided to switch). He wants to study Spanish this year. I would prefer Latin or have him continue French (he took it the last 2 years in school) -- so we haven't made a language decision yet. He is gearing up (literally) to play tackle football in a few weeks.

Griffin doesn't seem to have missed anything from his year at public school (thank you, Mrs. Babineaux), so he is motoring right along with Singapore math, Writing with Ease level 2 and First Language Lessons level 2. He is also trying out the new (to us) Rod & Staff spelling. He has the best penmanship in the entire family (no joke) so we will continue with Handwriting Without Tears for him. He will start writing in cursive this year. He is stoked! Griffin has requested to take tennis lessons. With his temper, he will no doubt be the John McEnroe of his generation.

The biggest adjustment is with me working full time. Time is very limited, but so far we get everything done that we need to do. We may have to get creative and do a little school on the weekends, or in the evenings. Who says it has to be done by lunchtime?!

It has been nice having the kids home. While everyone around me can't wait to get their kids back to school, I can honestly say I have missed those huge chunks of time that they are away, learning about whatever it is that their teachers decide to teach them. It's nice to incorporate character lessons and Bible stories and verses throughout the day.

This is, of course, not to say I don't occasionally think about how nice it would be to come home after working a 12 hour night shift and think how pleasant it would be to go to sleep in a quiet house while the offspring are off at school.

But, it is what it is. God has given us this time and has directed us to homeschool for this year. My entire life seems to revolve around issues of obedience. I am learning (admittedly, I am a slow learner) to just.do.it -- just obey the first time God directs me. Ok, not the first time. I mulled over the homeschooling thing for about 3 months. Or more. But you get the point.

One thing I know. It may not be easy, and it may be difficult for others to understand. But it is the best thing for *my* family at this time. And I know, above all, that God will honor and bless our efforts.

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates,
so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Humble Pie

I get "Daily Success" emails from "The Institute in Basic Life Principles" and today I was reading about the character quality of "humility". Now, honestly, prior to this slap in the face "personal evaluation", I would have considered myself humble. Definitely with room for improvement, but overall, humble.

Dang.

Not so.

•When people disagree with you, do you argue to defend your position?
•Are you hurt when those whom you dislike are honored?
•Do you find it difficult to admit you are wrong?
•Do you inwardly react to criticism?
•Do you give your opinions before being asked for them?
•Do you enjoy sharing about your accomplishments?
•Do you talk more than you listen?
•Are you more concerned about your reputation or God’s?
•Do you seek ways to humble yourself?
•Do you do things for praise and compliments?
•Do you accept praise rather than deflecting it?
•Are you quick to correct others when they make mistakes?
•Do you react when you do not receive credit you are due?
•Do you compare yourself with others rather than God?

Gulp.

Character traits can be taught, yes, but the best way to teach them is through example, right?

I have always taught my children "JOY" -- you know, Jesus first, Others next, Yourself last. But I'm sitting here thinking....do *I* really live that way? Do I really put Jesus first in my life....(not so when I was recently pondering working on Sundays), put others next (did I wake up early to spend time with my kids instead of lingering in bed?), and myself last (the list of examples is too long to write).

The Bible tells me that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. And I've been asking God for a whole boatload of grace lately. Grace to work night shift. Grace to deal with the kids. Grace to homeschool.

Today, when Tucker asked for grace in his grounding from the computer, I reminded him why he was grounded and explained that if he would get it through his head that he absolutely canNOT hit his brother, I thought of God, hearing me beg for grace over and over and realized that He extends it to me every.single.time with love. He doesn't remind me of my sins or shortcomings. He just generously grants me grace. Even though my humility score is so stinkin' low.

God's example of parenting is perfection. He quietly, gently, mercifully shows me how to parent my children, how to love my husband, how to respect my co-workers.

Now, in return, I am determined to focus on humility, remembering that everything I have is from God. Every talent and gift I possess originates from Him. My paycheck from Touro? By the strength and abilities He has given me, I am able to collect it every 2 weeks. My family? Gifts. My health? By His grace, I can breathe easily unless I'm going up stairs and my heart beats steadily.

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." Psalm 37:23-24

Do you ever wonder if you are doing what delights the Lord? I do all.the.time. It is what drives my husband nuts endears me to my husband.

Lately, the object of my "am I doing the right thing?" obsession revolves around the children's school. I feel like I have a multiple personality disorder when I think about it. My opinion changes hourly. Literally.

A little background: we homeschooled Tucker until he went into 3rd grade; Griffin went into Kindergarten after a little preschooling at home, and Anne Claire went straight to preschool at age 3.

The problem: Isidore Newman. You see, Newman spoiled us *rotten*. It is the school that everyone wishes they could have gone to. It is the school we were blessed to be able to send the kids to in 2009-2010. Through some satanic act, we turned down our opportunity to go back in '10-'11 and moved to Lafayette to send the kids to what was reportedly one of the better schools in the parish.

Bwahahaha. The joke was on us when we realized how crappish the school was and the kids, while making all A's all year, lost ground in math and LA. Tucker moreso than Griffin. Upon reflection, he reports that "last year was all review."

Nice.

We made the trek back to the Big Easy to get our lives back on some sort of even keel -- living in a city we adore, doing jobs we feel appreciated and valued at, and getting the kids back into the sort of diverse social environment that we want -- not only for the kids, but for us.

Now we have a year before we can get the kids back to Newman. We could send them and pay full price, but that would come to a total of $50,996. For one year. Of tuition.

I'll wait while your resuscitate yourself.

Better?

So needless to say, we don't have an extra $51K lying around, so we are looking at other alternatives to pass the time for Pre-K (Sissy), 2nd grade (Griffin), and 5th grade (Tucker). My first response was "I'll homeschool them."

Then I started working nights.

Have you ever worked a 12 hour night shift as a nurse?

So my next response was "We can find a good school to send them to for a year."

Then I started looking at schools.

Have you ever seen the school situation in New Orleans? It wasn't good before Katrina. Now it's just pathetic. You have to pay big money to go to a mediocre school. Or else apply to Lusher 42 years in advance.

So I sit here, day after day, obsessing. Praying. Reading. Talking.

I woke up this morning and read today's entry from "Jesus Calling" -- my favorite ever devotional by Sarah Young. And I'm greeted with "Keep walking with Me along the path I have chosen for you.....the journey is arduous at times, and you are weak.....all I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My hand for strength and direction...."

I am able to breathe deeply and close my eyes and know that Jesus is with me, guiding me, leading me. I have to remind myself that He loves Tucker, Griffin, and Anne Claire even more than I can think or imagine. He wants the very best for them. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me He has amazing plans for them.

He knows the perfect way to school them for the next year. He has *chosen* the path for them.

All I have to do is keep walking with Him.

We will know the answer when it comes. Half of the fun of a Jesus filled life is the not knowing one day to the next. It is all about the mystery and adventure of doing what He leads us to do.

Right?

Choosing Self Control

That is the title of our new family Bible study. I bought it thinking how badly my boys needed to grasp the concept of self control being one of the fruits of the spirit. Our first memory verse was Proverbs 25:28. Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. We discussed as a family how the ancient cities built walls for protection against their enemies. Without these walls, they were unsafe. Without hesitation, the boys were able to explain the parallel to our lives -- without self control, we are without protection from our enemy, Satan.

As I sat there with open Bibles all around, I was was convicted of my own lack of self control when it came to a few things. Like my temper. Like the words I choose to use at times. Like overeating. Just because it tastes good, sounds good, or looks good.

Sigh. Once again, God moved me to choose something for the sake of my children that I needed desperately.

Fortunately for all of us, there is an amazing promise in 2 Timothy 1:7: for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

That same power that raised Jesus from the dead is available to Griffin when he wants to kick Tucker's teeth in. It's available to Anne Claire when she wants to claim her tired legs won't permit her to throw away a paper towel. Those times Tucker would love nothing more than to toss Griffin off a roof? Yep, the power of the Holy Spirit is available to him if only he will stop and ask.

And for me? Well, instead of succumbing to a loaf of French bread with real butter, I can know that I am created for more than this. I can know that I know that I know that God has given me a spirit of power and self control.

"For this is the will of God....that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor." 1 Thessalonians 4:3,4

Heading Home

Oh.My.Gosh.

I am so glad that my career at Lafayette General is history. Over. Never to be repeated. It was, without a doubt, the strangest experience that I have ever had. And I've had a few strange work experiences in my life.

Since May of 1988, I have worked all over the U.S. -- literally. Phoenix Children's, Tampa General, All Children's in St. Pete, UNC Chapel Hill, Dayton Children's, Sacred Heart Pensacola....to name a few. Huge Level III NICUs. I remember when our hospital was one of the trial sites for Exosurf (anyone remember that?); I worked in the olden days when we still used THAM. I remember a trial with a negative pressure box for PFC. Nitric oxide, jet vents, ECMO...you name it, I've done it.

Once my family started to grow, I kind of relaxed into a slower pace and became certified as a lactation consultant. Definitely different, but very rewarding. I learned that I loved to teach more than I thought. I took my passion for breastfeeding and for ministering to new moms and realized how fortunate I was that I could actually get paid -- well -- for it!

And through it all, I have gotten along with nearly everyone I've ever worked with. As I've gotten older, I've gotten too impatient to put up with drama and rumors and all that ridiculous stuff. I also have gotten vocal when I see someone doing something that is just wrong. I have always been able to stand my ground, and maybe that is because I truly always believed that if I was in the right, my manager would have my back. And they always have. Truth has always prevailed. Good has always won.

Until now.

The fact is, I gave up and quit a job I loved. I loved the clinical aspect of it. I loved the mother baby and pediatric nurses that I worked with every day. Loved the patients so stinking much. Paul didn't love his job, but he came to love the community he served. He is good at what he does and people recognized that. The kids didn't care for their school, yet they made friends and finished well. Despite the fact that we all longed for New Orleans ---the sights, the sounds, the smells, and that sense of home.....we had planned on staying right here.

But. The bottom line is that liars and bullies win here. And the managers allow it. Not just allow it -- acknowledge it. In a conversation recently, I was told "I'm sorry I didn't put a stop to all that. I should have intervened."

Duh.

I was gracious. I was kind. I was immensely disappointed.

When I called my old manager and asked if I could have my old job back, we were catching up and she told me about some staffing changes she'd made. She said, "You can't lie and stay at the Touro. We don't put up with that."

Sigh. If only everyone operated that way.

Life goes one. And one day I will forgive and get over the hurt. In the meantime, however, our family is heading home. I get to go back to the best.job.ever and start IV's, go to deliveries, help moms breastfeed, minister to families, and laugh with the Touro girls until my sides hurt. My kids can go to Audubon Zoo and the aquarium and play ball at Carrollton. They can swim at the JCC. They can hang with their Newman posse and seminary crew. We can get beignets and snoballs and wander through the French Market. Eat at Dickie Brennan's. Or Jacque Imo's. Or Mother's. Or Crabby Jack's. Crazy Johnny's. Court of Two Sisters.

Life is good. It comes full circle. I remember years ago, the first time we came to New Orleans as visitors.

"Wouldn't it be cool to live here?" we said.

Yes. Yes it is cool to live here, in what can only be described as the best city on the planet.

Thank you, Jesus....we are heading home.

Karma

According to dictionary.com, "karma" is "action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation".

There are times in my life where all I can think, amidst the frustration and downright anger at someone, is "Better watch it. Karma is a b$#*&".

Not that I find this Buddhist/Hindu belief to be theologically true, but it does seem sometimes like what goes around really does come around. And boy, in my human, broken, finite mind, it sounds good.

I realize that many don't share that view. I learned quickly after Osama bin Laden died that I was one of the few that actually rejoiced in his death. Many of my friends posted things on facebook and in blogs about how we, as Christians, should never rejoice that someone died without Christ, that it is morbid to view anyone's death as a happy occasion, and that by being happy about OBL's death I was no better than him.

Well, I am a sinner, for sure, but I can say without a doubt that I have not masterminded anything in my life....least of all the deaths of thousands of men, women and children. I believe that today OBL and Adolf are burning their patooties off amidst unbearable torment and torture and really thinking "Dang, I should have listened. What I did was totally not cool."

But, back in my world, I have been struggling with feelings of anger and resentment since someone accused me of lying. I don't take that accusation lightly -- no one wants to have their integrity questioned, of course, but I have not taken the multiple accusations well. I've tried talking directly to the accuser (word to the wise: don't ever talk to people like this without a witness)....but all it got me was the feeling that I was losing my mind. (Ever see the movie Gaslight?) I tried talking to other people that could have helped but chose, for whatever reason, not to.

Today I learned that this person, bless her heart, is getting to help select my replacement. Dear God in Heaven, I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. Seriously, God?

OK, I know God didn't necessarily orchestrate the whole deal, but...really?

So I'm trying to take the high road and let it go and all that really good stuff that I'm supposed to think and say because, you know, I'm a Christian.

But inside, I'm really angry. I feel like the writer of Psalms must have felt when he'd write things about his enemies being victorious. Because, truly, that (and this) stinks.

And I *would* be lying if I didn't say that deep down, I hope karma does find this person. I kinda hope that she can catch a glimpse of what she has put me (and my family) through. No, that isn't the mature, Jesus-like way of feeling (one friend suggested that I pray and consider fasting for her. In retaliation, I ate a Milky Way.)

But I know that God uses all things.....ALL things, for His glory. And so, in the midst of all the turmoil and sadness and anger, I have grown closer to Him while I search His Word for answers, for comfort, for truth. I have felt that peace that He talks about -- you know, the one that passes all understanding. I have developed a new love for the story of Joseph and how that young man handled his downright sucky circumstances.

And while I'm not going to be Pharoah's right hand gal (or even Mitch Landrieu's), I am going back to what I know and love. I am being given a gift that many people will never experience, and that is the joy of friends, family, and a job I adore.

As I grow and mature in Christ, I hope that one day I do begin to really pray for this person and maybe even fast for her one day.

Until then, pass me a Twix, ok?