Mercy

"This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another.'" (Zech. 7:9)

Parenting is ridiculously hard. Especially when you have more than one child. When you punish one, the rest tend to inherit the punishment...sort of like secondhand smoke. How many of us grew up with smoking parents or grandparents who thought nothing of smoking in enclosed cars or rooms, filling our lungs with all those noxious fumes that were poisoning our little kid lungs and seemingly not caring when you coughed and sputtered and begged for air....

Ahh, but I digress.

In our house, we like to extend mercy to the kids when we can. We figure it: a. models Christ and b. allows us to see a movie when one of the kids ruins it for the whole crew. Especially if it's something mom or dad really wanted to see.

But I was wondering the other day if we had given too much mercy to a certain child who shall remain nameless. He seemed to expect it. He even asked, "what about mercy?" So it got me thinking about how often God extends mercy to us, and why He does. Why does He do it sometimes, and others He leaves us to wallow in our God-imposed time out?

So I did a little research and the word "mercy" shows up 276 times in the KJV. Most of those refer to the act of mercy shown by God. Some refer to the mercy seat (made of gold and sitting atop the ark of the covenant) -- which I find just as applicable....I mean, isn't a time out chair/corner a sort of parental version of the mercy seat?

The point being --- God places a high value on mercy.

mer·cy
[mur-see]

noun, plural -cies for 4, 5.
1.
compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power; compassion, pity, or benevolence: Have mercy on the poor sinner.

2.
the disposition to be compassionate or forbearing: an adversary wholly without mercy.

3.
the discretionary power of a judge to pardon someone or to mitigate punishment, especially to send to prison rather than invoke the death penalty.

4.
an act of kindness, compassion, or favor: She has performed countless small mercies for her friends and neighbors.

5.
something that gives evidence of divine favor; blessing: It was just a mercy we had our seat belts on when it happened

I think that in order to receive mercy, we must be repentant and genuinely sorry. Think about a police officer who lets you go with just a warning. The offender's attitude was more than likely the cause of whether Mr. Policeman gives you a warning and a smile, or a ticket and a smirk. Not that I would know anything about that.

So it is with our children. And with us. In order to receive mercy, we must come to Jesus (or mom and dad) with a repentant heart and a genuine desire to make it right. To do better next time. No sense of entitlement....just a grateful heart -- because we deserve punishment, and yet the mercy-giver sees something in the mercy-seeker and chooses to extend it....again. And if not, we just have to deal with the punishment and learn from it. It's up to us and the state of our hearts.

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The LORD is good to those who wait for him, fto the soul who seeks him. Lamentations 3:22-25

A Crown of Splendor

It is interesting to me the reactions I get from people when they realize that I am going gray on purpose. You know, the point in time when it becomes obvious that the gray roots are now longer than the old color. I have gotten reactions ranging from shock ("you mean you MEAN for it to look like that?!") to displeasure ("it looks SO much better colored") to a wee bit of envy ("I wish I had the guts to do it").

Seriously, no other appearance related comment would be appropriate or acceptable. Think about it:

"Dang, girl, you've packed on a few pounds!"

"What's with the new makeup? You look ridiculous!"

"Did you think those glasses looked good in the store?"

I have spent the last 25 years soaking my hair in chemicals to cover up the silver that all the women in my family (both sides) have had for as long as I can recall. Only a few of them have flaunted their natural color, and of those, I always thought their hair color was amazing. Both of my grandmothers had beautiful silver hair. As a matter of fact, I didn't see a picture of my Grandma Stigall with dark hair until after she had passed away....and then I was astounded at the resemblance of her to Kate Winslet.

Though in reality, Grandma was prettier.

I let my vanity control my hair color until about a year ago. I didn't want to be mistaken as my children's grandmother. I didn't want to be taken for older than I already am. I didn't want people to think I'd look better some other way. At the root of it all was my need to please people. I am the one who asks for 59 opinions before I buy something. I'm the one who asks, "What would YOU do/say/eat/drink/buy?" And, as you probably know, there are plenty of people willing to offer their opinions.

But then one day I realized that I am a grown up. I am who God made me. I have gray hair and it really doesn't look bad at all. Some people even think it's....pretty.

And really, aren't I supposed to not be conformed to the world (and it's need to cover their grays) but be transformed by the renewing of my mind? Renewing my mind by perhaps thinking about my hair the way God thinks about my hair? (And yes, I do think He has given my hair consideration....after all, my hair color was determined by God before He even formed me. My days were numbered, the hairs on my head were counted, and their exact color and texture were planned out by the Creator Himself.) Renewing my mind by knowing that God says "gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life". Renewing my mind by being who He created ME to be. Authentic. Real. Transparent.

And in my case, gray.

The Sweet Life

I'm sitting here in a totally quiet house. This has, like, never happened in the past ten years. Someone pinch me.

Paul and the boys have gone camping with the Boy Scouts somewhere in the wilds of south Louisiana. Sissy has gone into an M&M induced coma. Heidi, the world's laziest canine companion, has stretched her enormous basset hound body the length of the sofa and is snoring. Loudly.

I miss my posse. I miss trying to find a sliver of bedspace after half the family has invaded the bed. I miss Paul coming out to say "You ok, honey?" if he wakes up and I'm not holding onto my edge of the mattress for dear life sleeping over on my side of the bed. (Though I suspect a few times he has mistaken me for Heidi. I won't take it personally.)

Life is hard. With bills piling up and a poor economy, illnesses from kids and dogs that cost a small fortune, car problems that eat up hundreds of dollars at a time, and extended family that requires more emotional and financial energy than I can sometimes muster, it is just flat out hard.

But.

I was reminded tonight of the true value of good friends. Of selflessness. Of giving spirits. Of true agape love. I was actually reminded of the first church in Acts when a friend reminded me "We weren't meant to go this road alone."

I am blessed beyond measure to have a husband that loves me more than I deserve. I have three children that are the absolute joy of my heart. I have friends that love me just because. Most of all, I am loved and cherished by God, who created me, who knows me {You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.}, and just like Hagar said in Genesis 16:13, a God who sees me.

Life is sweet. Like buttercream icing on a piece of birthday cake. Like a really good coffee with fresh vanilla and heavy cream. Like a caramel Milky Way (I mean, seriously, have you had one of those?) Like a salted caramel yogurt from Pinkberry. (I'm fairly certain there is a Pinkberry in Heaven's Food Court.)

So even though I can barely keep my eyes open, I'm going to just sit here for a while longer, savoring the sweetness of my life, and thanking God for looking down on me with absolute favor and grace. I am so undeserving, and yet....

Yet here I am.

Homeschooling....Part Deaux

It looks like the Souths have painlessly slid right back into the groove of homeschooling. The boys haven't missed a beat, remembering (and seeming to enjoy) the learning at home schedule (or lack of it) and way of life (read: living in our pj's and taking multiple learning breaks to play in the pool, read, watch a tv show, or play a game).

Together we are strolling through Ancient History with Story of the World and the kids are excited for our Apologia Zoology study to arrive so they can start their study of land animals. We are also doing Bible study together, as we continue to work on a self control unit. We are also concentrating on one character trait per month (this month: self control), memorizing one scripture per week and one hymn per month (this month: He Leadeth Me).

Sissy has already mastered all the short vowels and consonants and is starting to read short vowel words. She has breezed through a math workbook (I cannot stop her -- she wants to do 10-15 pgs a day) and we are waiting on the next installment of Singapore math to make its way here. She is learning to write with Handwriting without tears - the same program Griffin used. She actively participates in Bible and history, and I have a feeling she will be upset when she realizes I didn't buy her a zoology journal to keep along with the boys. Sis has requested to take gymnastics. She is a muscular little thing, so I think she'll do well. We'll keep you posted!

Tucker is flying through math (of course) so I added in a Life of Fred book for extra practice. We are doing Writing With Ease and First Language Lessons level 4 to get him back on track after a wasted year in public school. He is also doing Rod & Staff Spelling (we used to use Spelling Power but after reading multiple reviews over at The Well Trained Mind, I decided to switch). He wants to study Spanish this year. I would prefer Latin or have him continue French (he took it the last 2 years in school) -- so we haven't made a language decision yet. He is gearing up (literally) to play tackle football in a few weeks.

Griffin doesn't seem to have missed anything from his year at public school (thank you, Mrs. Babineaux), so he is motoring right along with Singapore math, Writing with Ease level 2 and First Language Lessons level 2. He is also trying out the new (to us) Rod & Staff spelling. He has the best penmanship in the entire family (no joke) so we will continue with Handwriting Without Tears for him. He will start writing in cursive this year. He is stoked! Griffin has requested to take tennis lessons. With his temper, he will no doubt be the John McEnroe of his generation.

The biggest adjustment is with me working full time. Time is very limited, but so far we get everything done that we need to do. We may have to get creative and do a little school on the weekends, or in the evenings. Who says it has to be done by lunchtime?!

It has been nice having the kids home. While everyone around me can't wait to get their kids back to school, I can honestly say I have missed those huge chunks of time that they are away, learning about whatever it is that their teachers decide to teach them. It's nice to incorporate character lessons and Bible stories and verses throughout the day.

This is, of course, not to say I don't occasionally think about how nice it would be to come home after working a 12 hour night shift and think how pleasant it would be to go to sleep in a quiet house while the offspring are off at school.

But, it is what it is. God has given us this time and has directed us to homeschool for this year. My entire life seems to revolve around issues of obedience. I am learning (admittedly, I am a slow learner) to just.do.it -- just obey the first time God directs me. Ok, not the first time. I mulled over the homeschooling thing for about 3 months. Or more. But you get the point.

One thing I know. It may not be easy, and it may be difficult for others to understand. But it is the best thing for *my* family at this time. And I know, above all, that God will honor and bless our efforts.

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates,
so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Humble Pie

I get "Daily Success" emails from "The Institute in Basic Life Principles" and today I was reading about the character quality of "humility". Now, honestly, prior to this slap in the face "personal evaluation", I would have considered myself humble. Definitely with room for improvement, but overall, humble.

Dang.

Not so.

•When people disagree with you, do you argue to defend your position?
•Are you hurt when those whom you dislike are honored?
•Do you find it difficult to admit you are wrong?
•Do you inwardly react to criticism?
•Do you give your opinions before being asked for them?
•Do you enjoy sharing about your accomplishments?
•Do you talk more than you listen?
•Are you more concerned about your reputation or God’s?
•Do you seek ways to humble yourself?
•Do you do things for praise and compliments?
•Do you accept praise rather than deflecting it?
•Are you quick to correct others when they make mistakes?
•Do you react when you do not receive credit you are due?
•Do you compare yourself with others rather than God?

Gulp.

Character traits can be taught, yes, but the best way to teach them is through example, right?

I have always taught my children "JOY" -- you know, Jesus first, Others next, Yourself last. But I'm sitting here thinking....do *I* really live that way? Do I really put Jesus first in my life....(not so when I was recently pondering working on Sundays), put others next (did I wake up early to spend time with my kids instead of lingering in bed?), and myself last (the list of examples is too long to write).

The Bible tells me that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. And I've been asking God for a whole boatload of grace lately. Grace to work night shift. Grace to deal with the kids. Grace to homeschool.

Today, when Tucker asked for grace in his grounding from the computer, I reminded him why he was grounded and explained that if he would get it through his head that he absolutely canNOT hit his brother, I thought of God, hearing me beg for grace over and over and realized that He extends it to me every.single.time with love. He doesn't remind me of my sins or shortcomings. He just generously grants me grace. Even though my humility score is so stinkin' low.

God's example of parenting is perfection. He quietly, gently, mercifully shows me how to parent my children, how to love my husband, how to respect my co-workers.

Now, in return, I am determined to focus on humility, remembering that everything I have is from God. Every talent and gift I possess originates from Him. My paycheck from Touro? By the strength and abilities He has given me, I am able to collect it every 2 weeks. My family? Gifts. My health? By His grace, I can breathe easily unless I'm going up stairs and my heart beats steadily.

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." Psalm 37:23-24

Do you ever wonder if you are doing what delights the Lord? I do all.the.time. It is what drives my husband nuts endears me to my husband.

Lately, the object of my "am I doing the right thing?" obsession revolves around the children's school. I feel like I have a multiple personality disorder when I think about it. My opinion changes hourly. Literally.

A little background: we homeschooled Tucker until he went into 3rd grade; Griffin went into Kindergarten after a little preschooling at home, and Anne Claire went straight to preschool at age 3.

The problem: Isidore Newman. You see, Newman spoiled us *rotten*. It is the school that everyone wishes they could have gone to. It is the school we were blessed to be able to send the kids to in 2009-2010. Through some satanic act, we turned down our opportunity to go back in '10-'11 and moved to Lafayette to send the kids to what was reportedly one of the better schools in the parish.

Bwahahaha. The joke was on us when we realized how crappish the school was and the kids, while making all A's all year, lost ground in math and LA. Tucker moreso than Griffin. Upon reflection, he reports that "last year was all review."

Nice.

We made the trek back to the Big Easy to get our lives back on some sort of even keel -- living in a city we adore, doing jobs we feel appreciated and valued at, and getting the kids back into the sort of diverse social environment that we want -- not only for the kids, but for us.

Now we have a year before we can get the kids back to Newman. We could send them and pay full price, but that would come to a total of $50,996. For one year. Of tuition.

I'll wait while your resuscitate yourself.

Better?

So needless to say, we don't have an extra $51K lying around, so we are looking at other alternatives to pass the time for Pre-K (Sissy), 2nd grade (Griffin), and 5th grade (Tucker). My first response was "I'll homeschool them."

Then I started working nights.

Have you ever worked a 12 hour night shift as a nurse?

So my next response was "We can find a good school to send them to for a year."

Then I started looking at schools.

Have you ever seen the school situation in New Orleans? It wasn't good before Katrina. Now it's just pathetic. You have to pay big money to go to a mediocre school. Or else apply to Lusher 42 years in advance.

So I sit here, day after day, obsessing. Praying. Reading. Talking.

I woke up this morning and read today's entry from "Jesus Calling" -- my favorite ever devotional by Sarah Young. And I'm greeted with "Keep walking with Me along the path I have chosen for you.....the journey is arduous at times, and you are weak.....all I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My hand for strength and direction...."

I am able to breathe deeply and close my eyes and know that Jesus is with me, guiding me, leading me. I have to remind myself that He loves Tucker, Griffin, and Anne Claire even more than I can think or imagine. He wants the very best for them. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me He has amazing plans for them.

He knows the perfect way to school them for the next year. He has *chosen* the path for them.

All I have to do is keep walking with Him.

We will know the answer when it comes. Half of the fun of a Jesus filled life is the not knowing one day to the next. It is all about the mystery and adventure of doing what He leads us to do.

Right?

Choosing Self Control

That is the title of our new family Bible study. I bought it thinking how badly my boys needed to grasp the concept of self control being one of the fruits of the spirit. Our first memory verse was Proverbs 25:28. Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. We discussed as a family how the ancient cities built walls for protection against their enemies. Without these walls, they were unsafe. Without hesitation, the boys were able to explain the parallel to our lives -- without self control, we are without protection from our enemy, Satan.

As I sat there with open Bibles all around, I was was convicted of my own lack of self control when it came to a few things. Like my temper. Like the words I choose to use at times. Like overeating. Just because it tastes good, sounds good, or looks good.

Sigh. Once again, God moved me to choose something for the sake of my children that I needed desperately.

Fortunately for all of us, there is an amazing promise in 2 Timothy 1:7: for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

That same power that raised Jesus from the dead is available to Griffin when he wants to kick Tucker's teeth in. It's available to Anne Claire when she wants to claim her tired legs won't permit her to throw away a paper towel. Those times Tucker would love nothing more than to toss Griffin off a roof? Yep, the power of the Holy Spirit is available to him if only he will stop and ask.

And for me? Well, instead of succumbing to a loaf of French bread with real butter, I can know that I am created for more than this. I can know that I know that I know that God has given me a spirit of power and self control.

"For this is the will of God....that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor." 1 Thessalonians 4:3,4